A couple of years ago, I dated a guy for about 3 months. We cooked dinner together, stayed in and watched movies, went out with my friends, went out with his friends. Then one day….poof.
It was actually Dexter night at my apartment, which is a tradition with my friends where we tend to eat, drink, be merry and watch Michael C. Hall kill people. Earlier in the day, this person said that he was definitely coming, that he wouldn’t miss it. Then, as I said….poof. Gone. Nothing after that. And no, he didn’t die. (We have mutual friends, which is probably more of a reason that he should not have pulled the old disappearing act. Pretty dumb.)
Since then, and before then, I have had a string of
relationships flings that have averaged out at 2 months (Oh, but there was that one guy who flew his heart to New York and repeatedly threw mine out the emergency exit for almost a year. THAT was fun!). Half heartbreaker, half heartbreakee. I have pretty much learned to wear my heart on my cheek.
When women are on the receiving end of these often abrupt endings to what they thought was a “wonderful beginning”, it can go one of two ways:
1. The most unmanly act of them all: the disappearing act.
2. They sit you down and tell you the cold hard truth. They don’t want anything serious, and blah and blah…and blah. To this, women often respond by grossly overanalyzing the situation in their heads or begging for answers. We repeatedly tell them that we don’t want a relationship. “We are just enjoying ourselves”, which, more often than not, is actually true, guys. This usually turns into a couple hours worth of sadness and talking in circles. I will never bash a man that has the cajones to tell me how he feels. This man is much more (even if just a little) of a man than #1.
After the fact, we are still sad, but we realize that what we should have said (after they wanted to “keep us in their lives” or “grab a beer in a few weeks”) was “get over yourself, I’m gone” because when we sit back and think about it, when we are not in the moment, this person is someone we probably won’t know for the rest of our lives. Even saying that, if the heart breaks, it breaks, and there is often no explanation for how deep it goes.
For me personally, I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that I introduced this wonderful person into my life, allowed him to meet my friends, allowed them to like him just as much as I did, told my mother about him and how “this time, I feel it, it is going to be different”. Embarrassed that for the first time in a long time, I was just enjoying myself and letting my guard down. Thinking I should not have done it. Any of it.
But then, I realize that enjoying myself is not something I should be embarrassed about.