:Leave A Message And I’ll Call You Back:


Often times, I feel that the sequence of tiny, unimportant events leading up to a certain occurrence are much more interesting and important than the occurrence itself.

Take this story, for instance.

Almost three years ago, I met Rob* at a casting call. Rob and I started dating, chatting on the phone quite a few times a day (it was long distance) and so on and so forth. It has now been almost 2 years since I have seen him and exactly 1 year since we stopped talking.

Imagine my surprise when one morning last week (it wasn’t morning for him, as he lives in New York and does not care about anyone else but himself, so he just does whatever he wants anyway) I come home from my 7AM walk with Sandy to a missed call AND an iMessage (“please call me”) from him. I wondered why the hell he was calling. For a split second I was worried, because in my experience, when someone texts after calling, it must be urgent. Right?!

Well, that split second passed, and I did not think anything more of it until the next day…

…when I was getting ready for a concert.

As luck would have it, I was running late, had no makeup on, my hair was in a half bun on top of my head while the rest was barely straightened and I was in my pajamas.

The phone rang and the only thought that went through my head was crap, might as well get it over with. So I picked up.

After saying hello and exchanging niceties (fake), I guess he figured that, first of all, he needed to tell me about his live-in girlfriend. Secondly, he wanted to tell me that he was calling all of his “closest friends” and asking them a few questions. Wouldn’t the fact that he didn’t know I uprooted my flashy Los Angeles life for the Bay Area have accounted for the fact that we weren’t close friends?

I didn’t know what the favor was. Was he going to ask if he could crash on my non-existent couch? Ask me to get him auditions so he can be the celebrity that he has always wanted to be (douche)? For a minute I was queasy, thinking that he was going to ask me for something and guilt me into doing it, whatever it was.

When I heard him utter the words “life insurance”, it took me about 30 seconds to say “thanks, but no thanks” and hang up the phone.

*name has been changed to spare embarrassment


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